Parenting: Happy, Healthy and Wise

I am not sure if I can be called a "good" father. That is for somebody else to judge and the ultimate results of my fathering behaviour and skills will only be known years later when the products of my parenting will become successful and happy individuals in their own lives. I may not know if I am good but I definitely know that I am not overstressed as a Dad. I have no issues with my three kids. Each one of them is different and I treat each one uniquely even as I love them equally and with the same passion. Here are some of things I do and say that keeps me cool and unstressed. I do all this knowing that even if I were the best Daddy ever my kids will, eventually, also be affected by the rest of the world and how they manage and process challenges and opportunities in their lives.

One: I many a times say “no” to their needs, demands or wants. I say this knowing that even as I am supposed to be the provider and the nurturer there is the rest of the world which helps provide and nurture them too. I carefully assess their requests and if it is fair and if I can easily provide without short-changing anybody and anything else then I go ahead and say a straight “no.” My kids have grown up with this and they take this well.

Two: I use a lot of humor to get valuable point across. I make fun of myself mostly and in between the setup and the punches I serve the medicine. For example, a son of mine does not clean up after himself. He forgets to flush, forgets to return things and forgets to put off lights, etc.; I have now made him in charge of the electricity, water and cleaning services. Now he cleans up after me.

Three: I make myself an example. Many years ago I used to smoke casually and one day my other son was caught taking a puff too many. I sat him down and I confessed to my own bad habit. Even though I used to smoke not his presence he somehow knew. I promised to stop and I did stop. He followed suit and has walked the line for over seven years now. Be the change you want to create said Ol’ man Gandhi did he not?

Four: I practice appreciation more than I practice criticizing. It’s an infallible truth that rewards bring better results than rebukes do. They say even a verbally abused cow produces less milk than a cow which is complimented and cooed by the farmer.

Five: In the event of failure I quickly and easily “let go.” I let go my kids when they make an unintentional or, even, an intentional mistake. I also “let go” myself when I don’t get the results I expect to get from kids and my interactions with them. Many years ago, I read a Sanskrit “Sloka” which when translated in Hindi meant that a parent shouldn’t blame himself when his kids don’t turn out well and neither should he take credit if they turn out to be good and successful. Our children said Gibran are not ours to own and possess but they are gifts to us and our job is to launch them as high and as far as we can.

When I easily and happily practice these habits I feel happy, healthy and wise and I am sure my kids, as they grow up, will also turn out to be happy, healthy and wise.