Authenticity and Public Speaking

Deep within your brain lies the amygdala_ also referred to as the “reptilian brain.” This part of the brain exercises no logic, rationality or order. It thrives on passion, fear, and rage.

The “fight or flight” syndrome during public speaking, originates from here. Manifestations of this syndrome are sweaty palms, increased heartbeat, a parched throat, and knocking knees.

Once, I observed a sales director of a large multi-level marketing company who had the habit of calling for a round of applause every few minutes during his speech. In the din of the applause, he’d gulp in air to soothe his fears and then continue.

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism,
Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person. – Dr. David M. Burns

A much better way to manage this fear is to constantly reach in and reclaim our authentic, inner being. Authenticity is achieved, as discussed earlier, by an honest appraisal of our objectives, purpose, and ulterior motives. After this, even if the structure and style of our speech is not that great, it becomes what my kids call “real”.

Many years ago, Mario Garrolinni, a speaker friend of mine died in a motorcycle accident. Several of his friends from the speaking and training business turned up to give eulogies at his wake. They all spoke with eloquence, wit, and style but the speaker that outshone them all was an old and humble mechanic from Mario’s factory.

He came up stooped shoulders, wrung his hands in agony, and stumbled through his words while clutching at the front of his shirt. He spoke of how much he loved Mario and shared happy little anecdotes of their friendship.

His language was simple. He wasn’t stylish or educated. As he spoke, there were tears and laughter in his eyes. After he finished there were tears and laughter in the eyes of everyone present. He was speaking the plain truth in simple words, authentically. Whenever, I get anxious or egotistical, I remember that old, humble Filipino mechanic and I simmer down and tap into my own authentic nature.

I am also not a big believer in the adage of “fake it until you make it”. I’d rather be honest, work hard and straight, and then “make it” so I don’t have to “fake it.” There are times that when you confess ignorance or inexperience you expose yourself to humiliation. But, confessions of truths can also make you endearing and human.

One day, Herbert Lee from Macau, a speaker/trainer friend of mine, spoke about how important it is to expose your inner self to create a better rapport. “You gotta open your hearts!” he cried. To prove this point to his audience he unbuttoned the front of his jacket, yanked his necktie off, and grabbed his shirt by the collar as if to rip it off. The audience leaned back and gasped, not knowing what was coming next. They didn’t want to see a nude speaker! With a flourish, my friend tore the shirt off his body, leaving his jacket on. The audience erupted into amazed laughter when they realized his shirt was a trick-shirt designed to be ripped off and away from under his jacket!

Herbert, though, had made his point that one must expose himself to be accepted and to be liked by his audience.


Sincerity and openness are major factors that can help you overcome your fears. While preparing to deliver a speech, ask yourself the following questions.

First, is the content of my speech true?
i. If there are facts, numbers or anecdotes that you are not sure of, not using them will cut down your anxiety.
Second, Am I telling half-truths and avoiding facts?
ii. If you are vague about concepts and are avoiding the real issues just so that you can fulfill the task of presenting, then you will be doubtful and fearful.
And third, what is my ulterior motive behind all the statements and suggestions?
iii. If your motives are well meaning and will truly benefit the audience, it becomes easier to speak with power, style and confidence.

This tapping into our authentic nature, expressing truths and overcoming anxiety through deep introspection forms the most important layer of the Heart of Public Speaking.

Appreciative Inquiry, an Acquaintance

A Quick Video Clip

Individuals and organizations are similar in the way that like an individual an organization needs to be conceived, given birth, incubated, nurtured, formed, trained, inculcated with values and then released into the world to become fruitful and value-adding entities. Like individual, organizations too, come in all shapes, sizes and cultures. Some live long and some just fly by the night. Some succeed and excel continuously while others just chug along happily ever after. Both, individuals and organizations, can live to be quite simple systems or become increasingly complex for themselves and by their own making.


The challenge, though, we all face is how can we all constantly and continuously succeed, excel, stay at the top of our game, and yet keep on adding value to the communities, the country and the world that surrounds us. The current, though ancient in nature, approach is to look for and analyse what does not work in a system and then make an effort to fix it.

The approach is ancient because it rests on the belief that individuals and organizations have, or are problems by themselves and they need to be solved. The approach becomes inherently fallacious because it focuses upon what does not work rather than what is working well or what can work well. This failure focussed approach also evolves from our addiction to the cliché that a rotten apple spoils the basket and therefore we need to find that apple and do away with it. For a basket of apples that may conclude as a happily ever after but individuals and organizations are far from being just a plain, old basket of apples. We, as systems, can think, analyse, feel, judge, act, learn, help, celebrate and, more important than anything else, dream and design our own destinies.

Thus, the cliché of rotten apples and our belief in the cliché can be overturned with gusto and fervour. A basket of rotten apples, when it comes to humans and human organizations can turn fresh and can get nourished when a good apple is placed amongst us. A good thought, a good word, a good deed and a good human system can convert individuals and organizations into supportive, constructive, value-driven entities.

In the mid-90s, post the 1992 racial riots in Los Angeles, Erin Gruwell, an enthusiastic school teacher, takes up a job at Woodrow Wilson in Long Beach, California where she is placed plumb in the middle of a multiracial, hard to integrate, class of “at risk and highly unteachable, students.” Amidst the tension ridden surroundings, students are forced into class by security guards, Erin Gruwell works her way through the resistance and the angst of not just the students but a lethargic and numb educational system by focussing on the sparks of potentialities in the students, on what works and on the possibilities of the future. She works through by gently appealing to the human side of the individuals and the groups involved. In the process she makes multiple sacrifices for her career, her family and her status in the community but eventually efforts bear fruit when at the end of two years her bunch of students graduate and move on to college and a life ahead. A good, strong apple that nourishes and brightens the life of people around her.

Though she did not follow any set method or a frame-work to clean out a system that was rife with a culture of failure and resistance. She manages to help a bunch of multi-racial, unteachable, angst-ridden student and their families into happy, productive entities through sheer passion and grit. Thankfully, for us, who are into individual and organizational development there is a whole school of thought and practice which can deliver results at par with those of Teacher Erin Gruwell of Woodrow Wilson High School in California.

The method of Appreciative Inquiry, developed by Dr. David Cooperrider of Case Western University, provides an approach and a way towards achieving excellence by focussing on exceptional performances of the past and current core strengths which can be blended with a clear, challenging and conscientious vision of the future. The method is holistic, life-giving, constructive and in resonance with all that nourishes us as human beings and human organizations.

The approach draws from two modalities. First, Appreciation: an act of recognizing the best in people, places and performances and then to add and increase in value. Second, Inquiry: an act of exploration to discover potentials and highlight possibilities. The first leans on our needs to love and be loved, while the second rests on our natural desires to wonder and be curious about things. The combination of the two modalities creates a powerful potion to build, construct and energize areas and behaviours that are working well and boost their growth and development exponentially. Highly regarded as a paradigm for seeking out what works and moving towards it, a method for many organizational development practices, Appreciative Inquiry for many, is much more than that. It, in many circles, is regarded as a way of life and like life it needs to be soaked in appreciation and inquisitiveness of what is and what can be.

In contemporary methods, most all systems and organizations are seen as problems to be solved by management techniques such as root-cause analysis, solution analysis, critical problem-solving and mechanised action planning. With Appreciative Inquiry, organisations become a mystery to be embraced, a world to be created by reflecting on what we do best and by sharing life-giving narratives of success and harmony, by making inspired choices and designing a future of our dreams. This ‘way of life’ can pervade through research and planning, managing, mentoring and coaching for change. It can be lived through and for developing communities, invoking business excellence and creating visions and missions.

The most powerful tool of Appreciative Inquiry, or AI as it is referred to, is the AI Protocol or the inquiry process. This inquiry process invokes excellence and energy. It is achieved through powerful and structured questions which leave the responder empowered for idea generation, action planning and implementation. The questioning process is a tri-modal approach and is explored in depth after the discussion of the several assumptions the theory of AI makes for unleashing its effectiveness.

AI makes eight assumptions, and though they may have similarities with several other paradigms; they substantiate well the premise, the promise and the power behind the AI.

• Assumption One: In every human situation there is always something which works. No matter how damaged, destructed or dysfunctional a system is, there is and will always be a spark of life and humanity in it which can be rehabilitated. Our objective then, from that window, becomes to seek, to enhance and spur that spark into a flame.

• Assumption Two: It is important to value and appreciate differences. Differences exist and differences are a fact of life in not just what is but also in what is considered to be is. It behooves us to recognize and respect that realities and our perceptions can differ. We need to synergize and seek strength from the diversity.

• Assumption Three: What we focus upon becomes reality. Our intellect can, but our mind is unable to decipher simulation from reality. Should we then focus upon the constructive and our capability to succeed, then we get drawn towards building and achieving success.

• Assumption Four: Realities are created in the moment and there are, always, multiple realities. Since most realities are our perceptions of the truth and our perceptions constantly change with changing times, economics and environmental conditions. Therefore, realities are multiple and our current perceptions are realities of the moment.

• Assumption Five: The language we use shapes our realities. Since our current perceptions are the realities of the moment and our words are used to describe our perceptions then our words and how we string those words together morph and shape our oncoming realities.

• Assumption Six: The act of asking questions influences the outcome in some way. Not really in “some way,” but in a way that can be, if needed, measured and controlled. Questions, we ask, are our invitations to others to express the reality of their perceptions. Others respond with words and language to our invitations to share perceptions, the language they use shapes reality and therefore influences outcomes.

• Assumption Seven: People have more confidence going into the future [unknown] when they carry parts of the present [known.] Since perception and reality are divided by a very thin, almost invisible, wall, perceptions which are like real-life experiences or actual experiences then they give strength and vigour to developmental thoughts and actions towards designing a positive future towards success and excellence.

• Assumption Eight: When we carry the best parts of the past into the future, they will create a better future. Enough said.

These assumptions are the driving force and the armament behind the double-barrelled approach of appreciating and inquiring. That, perhaps, is not a highly recommendable metaphor for AI, since AI is all about the right choice of words and the subtle and powerful influence the structure of language has on our minds. Nevertheless it brings us right into the discussion of inquiring in depth the practice-able of how, the way of life that AI is, works.

The theory of AI has a very simple, framework to apply. It starts with choosing a topic, a theme or a developmental challenge. This is then followed by a four-stage process as follows:

• Discovery: In this stage the AI practitioner helps uncover past strengths and successes while staying anchored and focussed towards the central theme. In the Discovery stage allowing the respondent entity to express and share stories is the key objective followed by listening for “what gives life,” within those stories. These life-giving elements can be used to propel the dream and the destiny.


• Dream: In this stage, the practitioner invites the sharing of dreams and visions from the respondents. The process elevates hopes of achieving the ideals.

• Design: the design stage is critical since it needs to take account of external realities and material capabilities of the individuals and the organisations. This stage also calls for working out a result-based plan on how to achieve the dream.

• Deliver [Live the Destiny]: At this stage the practitioner helps the respondents visualize and simulate success of the design thereby imprinting, with power and passion, it as the reality on the minds of the respondent entities.

The critical step for these four stages is a proper selection of the core theme. The choice of words and the language structure needs to be empowering and affirmative from every angle.For example if a community development group chose, “Reduction of Crime and Graft in the Country,” then that theme, though logical, will have a negative tinge since it assumes the existence of crime and terror and may thus end up feeding that beast. The theme can be reworded to, “Nurturing Peace and Order in the Country.” This version assumes existence of peace and order, this shifting focus to what works for eventual development.

Therein lies the power of Appreciative Inquiry and the most consistent and handy tool for all these stages is the power of intelligent and empowering questioning, also referred to as the AI Protocol. The protocol is a process of questioning to empower the deliverance of dreams and destinies. Three powerful things happen when we ask the right questions.

• One. The questioning process raises a storm of curiosity and challenges all status quo. This, inadvertently, invites creative thought, followed by careful words and conscientious action.
• Two. Questioning helps converge thinking between the creative and the logical side. It also stirs up unconscious wisdom and challenges mindless rituals.
• Three, responses to questions make the responder an author of those ideas and, thus, drives them, eventually, into conscientious action.

All questions are made up of three elements.

• The first element of questioning well is the construction and the linguistic tilt of it. The format of the question can open up options or close possibilities.
• The second element of the question considers the capacity and the ability of the responder. It is this element of questioning which mostly draws response regarding the “how” of things.
• Finally, the third element regards and analyses all underlying assumptions. The higher the ratio of positive and appreciative assumptions a question has, the better a response it generates.

Under the AI Protocol there are three forms of questions. Levels, if you prefer.

• Inward Questions are those that make the responder reflect upon the how, the when and the why of past performances and past successes. These questions, through anecdotal responses, surface strengths and competencies of individuals and groups.
• Outward Questions string together innate strengths and successes to present day possibilities. These are questions related to the what, the when, the who, the where and the how of achievable plans.
• Forward Questions recreate and reinforce dreams and possibilities. These questions create stimulation and simulation of successes and celebrations in the mind. Forward Questions are future-paced. They give shape and form to visions thereby creating powerful and positive tension between what is and what can be.

The power of the AI Protocol is unsurmountable and the holistic core of the AI Way of Life brings to fore good living and greater business successes. AI raises our benchmarks and our bottom-line with ease and élan.

This November,2009, hundreds of AI Thought Leaders and Practitioners will converge in Kathmandu, Nepal for the

Annual Conference on Appreciative Inquiry. The conference will explore the factors that promote global health, peace and societal welfare. The outcome desired will be discovery of new ways AI can create sustainable peaceful and yet, vibrant communities. The truth that this conference will expose is that everything has beauty and, with the AI Way of Life, all eyes and hearts can capture it.

By Raju Mandhyan
www.mandhyan.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/rajumandhyan

Raju, has over ten years’ experience in personal development, specifically in the areas of interpersonal relations, increased awareness, and communication skills. He specializes in helping others understand how to communicate thoughts, ideas, goals, and visions of the future. Thousands of executives across the Asian-Pacific region have benefited from Raju’s training and coaching.

He has been trained and certified in many modalities including but not limited to the following: Neuro Linguistic Programming, Mind Mapping, LIFO and Celemi. He is a trainer certified by the American Management Association and by the Arbinger Institute.

He has authored two books, one on Public Speaking and another on Humor as a tool for Leadership. His background is in international trade. He has lived and worked in three different cultures - Indian, Filipino, and American. Currently, he lives and works out of the Philippines.

Original Knowledge and Intellectual Property

The idea of original knowledge tied in with the concept of intellectual property does raise a lot of issues. The growth of knowledge has been like a raging fire and futurists claim that in the next decade or so everything we already will double. At the same there are others who want to, with good reason, like to protect the work they put out. I am off the bias that we should be careful and yet take failure to control things lightly. After all we still haven’t given credit to the person who put together the 26 letters of the alphabet and the person who came up with numbers.

Two of my speaker friends put out a query on Linked In and many others responded to their ponderings. I share here the questions and my thoughts on the subject.

Question from Karen Peña / Meeting Professional / Professional Speaker / Trainer / Motivator:

“Is it bad etiquette to reference and quote another speaker in your presentation? We all admire our peers in the industry. At times I would like to reference key points from their presentations, and give them the credit of course! Is that a big faux pas? “

Answer:

"The unexamined life is not worth living. " Socrates, Apology.

Now how many times has this been repeated, in variations, by writers and speakers over the centuries? Add to this the possibility that this quote, in itself, may have been a variation of something someone must have said before Socrates.
There is an inherent fallacy in the belief that something is totally original. Most everything I know I have learned from someone, somewhere and the process, prior to that, has been continuous. I, Ladies and Gentlemen, am nothing but a dung-heap of perceptions, which I claim to be my own! [Uh, wait! Didn't someone say something just like that before?]

The knowledge and the wisdom in one good book have similarities to the knowledge and the wisdom in another good book, even as these books may have been written thousands of years ago.

My stand is use words, ideas and suggestions by others. Give credit to the author everywhere you can and yet claim nothing to be your own unless the world credits it to you.

“To thine own-self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou can'st not then be false to any man.” Shakespeare-- Hamlet. Act I. Sc. 3


Question from Nishant Kasilbahtla, Speaker, Trainer and Memory Champ.

“How do you deal when one of your participants (in a talk) posts what all you taught in his / her blog? I was searching the internet and found a blog where almost all key ideas I discuss in my talk are posted by one enthusiastic blogger (in some cases verbatim). The funny thing is, he didn’t even bother to mention my name in the post. How do you deal with people like this? Your ideas,please?”

Answer:

Nishant, you might consider celebrating.

We are in the business of human development. We are in the business of helping others. We are in the business of learning, morphing and distributing knowledge and actionable knowledge. Knowledge that will eventually turn to wisdom. Wisdom to spirituality.

We are in the business of contribution to society and the world. We are out there speading the good word and then someone grabs it from you and runs.

What's he going to do? Spread it as his own? He, thus, has helped you spread the goodies. He is doing your job. Seek no retribution.

His intentions and his actions create his destiny. They do not change yours. That as you already know, is no secret, dude!

Epilogue:

The second query ended with a happy ending. Nishant, upon suggestion from Heather Hansen, emailed the blogger who went online and rewrote the blog and gave credit to the speaker/author.

Raju Mandhyan
www.mandhyan.com
A World of Clear, Creative and Conscientious Thinkers!

Leadership Conversations

Over the decades, the idea of Leadership has been made out to be like a huge, ambiguous and an incomprehensible thing. People go about making assessment about how grand, how perfect and how very important leadership is but the million-dollar truth is that leadership does, and can, always happens in tiny instances and tiny interactions we call “conversations.”

All of our grandest achievements, every life-changing incident, in reality, pop out from the wellspring of our beings as an idea, a thought or as an emotion. At the root level it is like an abstract seed that has to take form, which has to be substantiated, structured and styled in a way to be accepted by the world outside of our beings. This process requires generating, sorting, challenging and then simplifying it to be presented in a written or a spoken form—conversations!

I am firm believer of the fact that every word we express creates change, however minuscule, but it definitely and surely creates change. And, the kind of change our words create is a secondary question. A story that blurs through my mind is that of a father who hands his young son a bunch of nails and asks him to go and hammer the nails in the trunk of a large tree in their backyard. The son, without asking for any reasons from his Dad, does just that. A week later, the father instructs the son, again, to go out into the backyard and pull the nails out from tree-truck. This time, the son obeys but comes back curious and annoyed at having labored purposelessly when the father explains, “Son, our words are like the nails you hammered into that tree. When used for a purpose they can build and when used senselessly they can, like the scars left in the tree-trunk, create permanent damage.

Now, I take back the word “minuscule.” Every word we express, gives a new direction to who we are, what we want to become and how we want to influence people and the processes that surround us. So, as when an idea, a thought or an emotion pops up from the wellspring of our minds and intellect, it would behoove us let that idea or emotions pass through severe, internal, quality control. Ask yourself, if the thought your expressing has ethical groundings. Check if it will do justice to a positive, constructive purpose for all those it addresses. Verify and future-pace the long-term output it will create and then finally, with utmost care, express it with a willingness to learn from it and openness towards the feedback and the results it generates. That is leadership conversations in a nutshell.

Raju Mandhyan
Author, Coach and Trainer
www.mandhyan.com